The schools tell me that they do not have another minute (during the day) to squeeze in etiquette; thus, it becomes an after school elective which takes a long time to approve and gather steam. I love the arts (my background) – dance, musical talent, drama – but etiquette, soft skills and life skills are just as important, if not more so, than any of these lessons.

I wish that parents could understand my philosophy – start with the basics, accentuate with the arts, but do not place etiquette and life skills in last place.

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The context that he was discussing centered on health and diet as well as our spiritual life. He gave a list of the many excuses that individuals give for not eating well or taking off the extra weight that can create health issues. He has been doing a series called Wholly Fit which has changed the lives of some of our parishioners. 

Wholly Fit means addressing your health and diet and . . . your spiritual side.

I’ve watched some dear, dear friends of mine over the last two years, not one year but two, endure some pretty horrible things and I’ve noticed something that sets them apart. Even when a parent died, when a sister became severely ill while the caretakers themselves suffered from a major disease (sometimes all at the same time), if they nursed someone around the clock, if the day ran out of hours, they never made excuses. They always found the time to do the right thing or take care of what needed to be handled.

That’s what sets apart winners from lesser achievers, I think. The winners view each waking moment as a time to be productive no matter what is going on around them. Oh granted, you can’t be nursing a bedridden loved one 24/7 and expect to be able to conquer the world, but there is still a way to take care of “stuff”.

So, I thought how appropriate that my next article to be published is about excuses and my pastor talked about this today. His message was so strong and hit home as I, too, am an excuse maker.

There was a time when I was not very productive.  It was because of depression.  One day, I realized that if I was going to eat, that if I was going to be able to have an air conditioned Florida home, if I was going to be able to drive up to a gas pump and ensure my mobility that I needed to snap out of it and “handle things.”

A clip my pastor showed today was so telling.  It was a video of an exercise guru who’s well known who always asks the question, “What’s your excuse?” Next to him was a man who did the entire exercise routine on one good leg and one prosthetic leg. It was absolutely amazing watching him . . . jumping around in the air better than some people with two good legs can. Now . . . some people cannot do that if they have MS, are bed ridden, or are severely afflicted by other diseases, but just look at how we’re all conditioned to make excuses for not being able to make a phone call, for not being able to work, when there are jobs that require only a phone and there are libraries that have computers for FREE.

When I talk to some of my athlete friends and how they grew up, they said that quitting was not an option as the only way “out” was by being good at a sport so that became their goal. Ever wonder how single parents do it? They do it because their kids depend on them. They find a way.

Thank you Pastor Russell for pointing out our many excuses for not “getting on with it.”   Guilty as charged.  I am going to try harder. I promise.

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Before there were typewriters and email, wedding invitations had to handwritten; there was no other way. It was a laborious undertaking to individually address each invitation and that, in a sense, spoke volumes.

Through the years, competition arose, as the more elegant the invitation, the more “ahs” one would receive. The wedding notices soon became a source of pride. Fancier and grander presentations evolved. Printed on select paper stock with prestigious watermarks (think Crane), over time, they became synonymous with status or “good taste”. After all, the first clue or glimpse into the wedding was the invitation itself. To type the names and addresses, or to shortcut the effort, in many minds, meant that the wedding couple had cheapened the wedding affair.  

There was almost this unwritten rule that said: Please show me, the guest, that you appreciate me and have expended a fair amount of energy into personalizing, in your own writing, my invitation, especially if I am going to be required to buy you a gift. 

Okay – that’s a bit exaggerated, but you get the point.

But, there was always a concern. If the invitations had to be handwritten, what happened if there was no one around with perfect penmanship? Brides quickly addressed this issue and began to create more clever ways of drawing attention to the outside of the invitation by using calligraphy.  

Writing in calligraphy meant that a bride or family member had to literally learn how to write in this style, again a source of pride for the couple. So now, there was this beautiful handwriting on the outside of the envelope (that still adhered to traditional wedding protocol) that was equally as lovely as the professionally printed words inside. Pure class!

As time went on, brides (and grooms) began hiring calligraphers to address the envelopes for them. But . . . this deed was forgiven as still the invitations were handwritten and that was all that mattered. The great powers of wedding protocol that be, gave their resounding stamps of approval. Calligraphy had made its mark and was accepted.  

Through time, wedding protocol, like anything else, evolves and morphs and wedding invitations are no exception. I see a trend developing with online email wedding invitations, some quite lovely, and while it may be difficult for older generations to grasp, and to some this may seem classless and substandard, I do foresee this method gaining in popularity in much the same way as have party and shower invitations.

What do you say?  Do you think it’s bad manners to send an email or online wedding invitation? 

©2012 Sherry Thomas. May be reproduced or shared with copyright attribution.

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Talking politics at the office is risky business,
especially when sharing small offices and tight cubicle spaces.  

It is Presidential re-election time and at this moment, I have a friend who is avoiding her office as she is of one party affiliation and 99% of her co-workers are for the other party. She is finding it difficult to enter her own office.  This is a tough, go-getter woman.  She states that the political conversations continue all day and she feels that it’s inconsiderate for them to hurl such harsh remarks, knowing where she stands politically.  When it comes to political talk, unfortunately, there are normally those one or two individuals who are so convicted that words get out of hand.

There are some companies that have mastered this.  The office is such that it is conducive to political talk.  It may be part of the office dynamic with gentle ribbing, but it is most often one where workers are kept in check by management or the employees that were hired generally have a certain type of disposition that doesn’t lend itself to voice-raising, insult-throwing political debate.  Management is ultimately responsible for the tone of an office, and yes, that includes setting parameters for heated topics such as politics.  It may even be written into the office handwork code of ethics.  I advise this when dealing with my corporate clients.

Another friend is the wife of a former longtime Congressman who is not of my party affiliation. It has never affected our feelings for each other but . . . we are extremely careful when we discuss politics.  We are calm, chat lightly about politics and then . . . go on with our friendship.

In a press interview, I talked about how politics played into a job interview that I once had.  

True Story:

I was being interviewed for a job. The president of the company found out about my involvement in a certain political party and the fundraisers that I had held for Presidential, Gubernatorial, and Senatorial candidates.  He barged into the interview and launched into a tirade, acting completely inappropriately. I was in the fifteen remaining finalists after having been narrowed from mega hundreds for a particular, highly sought after position.  It was not pretty.  I sat quietly at first and listened and then I felt compelled to respond, so I smiled and said, “Well, I guess that means that I didn’t get the job,” and that was that.  

The ideal world would be one where we can listen to opposing points of view, respect them, and never allow condescension or anger to take over.  But humans have pressure points, and while each office is different and each situation is unique, overall, (and I want to stress the “overall’, meaning clearly that there are people and some offices that have these types of conversations under control) it is this Business Etiquette Coach and Corporate Trainer’s opinion that it is best to restrict office place political dialogue, unless it is among a group that has proven in the past that they are tolerant and mature enough to withstand “the other side” or . . .  the talks are being held among a group sharing the same party beliefs.

Since political debate lends itself to emotionally charged discussion, save the politics for home and family discussions rather than risk affecting your work space or co-worker relationships.

It can make returning to the office environment uncomfortable.

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The white truffle – one of the most expensive foods in the world!

Alba white truffles come to us from northern Italy and are available just a few months out of each year.  Italian white truffles are quite expensive – reaching upwards of $9,000 per pound – yes, you read correctly – a direct result of their increasing rarity in that particular region of Italy.

Special truffle sniffing pigs, with an innate sense of smell for the delicacies, were at one time, exclusively used to find them, and they still are, in certain parts of the world.

So what makes a female pig go so crazy over truffles? 

The musky aroma is similar to that of a potential mate’s pheromone, so strong and recognizable to the snout, that even though buried deep inside the ground, the pigs still manage to find them.  The smell to the pig, in essence, leads to a male and . . .  well, you get the idea, so in order to prevent the eager pigs from devouring the culinary prizes, they must be kept on strong rope leashes so that the trifolau (or truffle hunter) can take over and carefully harvest them before they are damaged or eaten.

Pigs, for the most part, have now been replaced with trained truffle dogs.  Unlike their truffle sniffing counterparts, dogs are not as inclined to eat their find. 

In the US, white truffles are found in the wild in Oregon.  There are two methods of finding the prized delicacies – first, by using trained truffle dogs to locate them or second, by gently raking around the base of fir trees until the truffles become visible.  The latter method is a bit risky as the truffle hunter may cause damage to the harvest.

Oregon whites have gained in popularity and are now fully recognized in the culinary world as being almost, if not entirely, equal in taste to their Italian counterparts.  Even though far less expensive than their European mates, the Oregonian truffles still reach into the thousands of dollars per pound, and it is projected that if Oregon keeps up its current truffle rate, the industry is on course to bring in billions in truffle revenue to the state.  Hmm . . . in my next lifetime, I think I’d like to be a truffiere.

So what’s all the fuss about?

Truffles don’t hold up well under heat, can’t be stored for long periods of time, and are quite pricey.  Just like anything else, it seems their rarity makes them a treasure of sorts and just like anything else, something with a story, an interesting history, such as the manner in which they are found is always appealing.  But believe it or not, it is their prized fragrance that is so irresistible.  When combined with oil or eggs, the products take on the strong, enticing, garlicky aroma, filling the senses with an unmistakable, enticing perfume.  Yes, it mostly comes down to aroma . . . so much so, that it is often said that to humans, truffles are much an aphrodisiac as to the relentless pigs that pursue them. 

And that is indeed . . . something to snort about.

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A business dinner or lunch is a great way to get to know others in a more intimate setting. 

It also provides a snapshot into an individual’s style when dealing with the public, treatment of co-workers, employment of (or lack of) common courtesies, and how others receive and perceive you.  

Sometimes, in an effort to impress, an employee may talk shop to the boss or to anyone who will listen.  This may not be the time. Understanding the purpose of the dinner is important and can provide you with parameters and also afford you the opportunity to come prepared.  If you don’t know, ask!

Is the dinner or lunch to get to know fellow employees better or is it to discuss a prospective client or business deal? 

Take your boss’s lead.  Allow him or her to direct the flow.  Light conversation and banter normally take place before getting down to serious business discussions. 

During your business dining, know when to talk shop and when not to.  

Know the difference!

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Basic Business Email Etiquette Rules

Background Paper and Design

Use a clean, non busy background design. It is more professional, less distracting, and easier to read.

Fonts

• Use a reasonably sized font no larger than 14 points, not smaller than 10. 
• Avoid fancy fonts such as “Old English”.  Use Calibri, Verdana, Ariel, Times New Roman 
• Use one or two fonts.  Using multiple fonts is confusing. 
• Pick a font and color and stick to it for clarity and ease of reading.

Limit Forwards

• Avoid Chain letters, distasteful jokes, political views.
• If there is a clean joke or an inspirational quote that is work related, don’t forward.  
• Copy and paste content into new email in order to lessen the chances of viruses.

Do Not Expose Email Addresses of Others

• Other than direct management or groups of an inner office team, do not divulge the email addresses of people who don’t know each other. This is an open door invitation for spammers.
• Send a copy to yourself and BCC all other recipients so as to hide email addresses. (See next line.)

BCC

• This means blind copy. By BCCing, you are protecting the email information of others. 
• Place your name in the “To” line 
• Add multiple other individuals in the BCC line. Recipient will see his/her email address only. 

Piggybacking

• Do piggyback off of an email in order to have a direct line of reference for the topic at hand.
• Take the initial email and reply to that each time, creating a flow of information as it advances toward resolution. This makes it easier for everyone to follow the progress of the email and subject matter.

*Do not piggyback if the topic is a new one. This creates confusion. Begin  a new email.

No Cutesy Tootsy Email Names

Remember, this is a business. Make it simple and professional.

Titles, Salutations, Content, Sign – Offs, Signature Lines

Use a title or name to begin. The title should be in accordance with the level of respect given for that profession or position. The email should follow the format of open, middle, and close:

1) Title of respect and name (Open)

2) Subject matter at hand (make this clear and concise to avoid confusion) (Middle)

3) Signature sign offs:  “Kind regards”, “Sincerely”, or “Thank you for your attention” (Close)

4) Your name

5) Your title

6) Contact number

7) Fax number

8) Company logo

9) Confidentiality statement

Avoid Caps

Caps are interpreted as  “shouting”  or the “screamer’s language” as I call it. Remember, the reader is not hearing the voice. Confusion and misinterpretation take place without the effects of voice tone, inflection, and volume. All caps are also more difficult to read. Avoid them. Read your email aloud to hear what you’ve written and how it sounds to you. Read the all caps with emphasis. Does it sound harsh to you?

*Italicizing is the better way to punch a word or phrase.

Spelling

Use your spell check. Misspellings indicate lack of professionalism and may signal a lack of pride in your work.

Use Reply to All Sparingly 

Your email should be directed to the specific person making the inquiry or to the individual who handles this particular area, if possible. If there is a team involved, by all means address the team. Beware of the same email being circulated multiple times, to multiple individuals, when a single response to a single individual might suffice. Other recipients may not be interested in the content. This crowds email boxes and eats up company time .

Large Attachments and Photos

Many servers and email systems have a limitation of 20 megabytes and cannot handle large attachments. Re-size large photos. Use a zip file or FTP (File Transfer Protocol) to send large attachments and numerous photos. There are several free FTP services available (YouSendIt is one).

Add a Legal Confidentiality Statement

It can be placed below your signature line. This makes it illegal for someone to forward one of your emails without your permission.

Use Proper Sentence and Grammar Structure

The lazy man’s way of typing does not work in business. Not capitalizing the word “I” or the beginning of sentences is unprofessional and makes you appear uneducated. Writing cryptic phrases should be avoided in the workplace. You are only as professional as you appear.

Personal Emails

Avoid sending personal emails from a company’s business email account – a big no-no in business unless you are the owner of the company. What you write is a direct reflection on the company. Save the personal emails for lunchtime and use your personal account.

Always Respond

Avoid further emails and confusion by responding efficiently. Not responding lends the impression that you either don’t care, are too busy to address that email, or that it just isn’t important enough. It sets off frustration to the sender and may escalate into a much pricklier situation. A simple reply might be, “give me a few days, please, to get back to you”. This is much better than completely ignoring the sender.

Avoid Exclamation Points!!!

These are perceived as harsh. How do you feel when you read an email with an exclamation point? Unless it is for humorous effect, beware of how this is received.

Check The Email Address

Before sending, take one last glance at the recipient’s email address. Have you mistakenly marked the next name in the alphabet in your contact list? Double check in order to avoid embarrassment with proprietary information.

Subject Lines 

• Make them relevant. For future search purposes and to alert the recipient as to the content of the email, always write an appropriate subject line. 
• Hitting reply without changing the subject line may create confusion. 
• Salesy subject lines will get spammed.  Avoid, “I have a deal for you”, “Last chance”, “Everything on sale”, “Free”. 
• Change the subject each time you respond. This allows for an easy search when a person needs that one particular email that contained an approval. 

Subject Lines Examples:

Email 1 might read – “Review copy and make corrections.”

Email 2 (the email being sent back in response to this one) might read – “Changed a few lines in red.”

Email 3 might read – “Approved”

Abuse of Contact Us Forms

This area on a website is for information gathering, not for the promotion of your company. This is spamming. Don’t do it. Make a phone call and secure a direct email address (after receiving permission) to forward information about your company.

Avoid Bold Letters

Italicize instead. Bold letters come across as screaming. Avoid them except to perhaps emphasize one word. The best way to emphasize a word or phrase is by italicizing. It is milder, yet lets the reader know that this information is important.

Do Not Open Emails or Attachments from Unknown Senders

This could create a big problem for your company and possibly jeopardize your job.

Anti-Virus Ware, Anti- Spy Ware

Make sure it is up to date in order to safeguard you and your clients.

Quoting Someone’s Writings

If you quote someone, you must give them credit or better yet, supply the link that takes the reader directly to that person’s writings. Otherwise, this is copyright infringement.

Flamers

These are individuals who send angry, hostile, response provoking emails. Do not respond to this type of behavior. Report it or ignore it.

Sending An Email From Someone Else’s Computer

This is an imposter email, appearing to be from one person but having been written and sent by another. This is wrong and could get you terminated or in trouble legally!

Spam box or Junk box

Check it daily and add approved senders to your safe list so as to avoid misunderstanding, mistrust, and perhaps the failure of a business relationship or missed opportunity.

Do Not Hit Send Immediately

A strong, emotional email, just like the old-fashioned letter, needs thought and calm. Write the email and let it sit for a day or few hours. Think about it. Re-read it.

Are you still ready to hit Send?

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Next, have everyone give one reason why they’re grateful to and for the United States of America.  You’ll be surprised at what you learn. Some of your guests may have families who migrated here or you may hear stories of the first day someone was eligible to vote or work or get a green card. This is a great example to the younger ones and something that they can pass down as family tradition.

Make it a fun, memorable day, but a safe, mannerly one as well.

One of biggest complaints I hear after the Fourth of July is the mess(es) left behind. Here are a few holiday tips to ensure a great Independence Day celebration.

First, it is important to know if fireworks are legal where you live. Check first.

Second, REMEMBER: Fireworks contain toxins. “If swallowed by children, adults or pets, the chemicals in fireworks can make them sick,” says Rose Ann G. Soloway, clinical toxicologist with the National Capital Poison Center in Washington, D.C.

Quick Tips For A Safe and Polite July 4th:

1) Jokes and Pranks: Never point or throw fireworks to or toward another person, ever. Many a practical July 4th joke has turned into a senseless July 4th crisis. Fireworks should always be aimed outward and away from people and structures.

2) Tots and Toddlers: Keep fireworks away from small children. If using sparklers, let adults and parents hold them while the younger ones enjoy the show. Older kids and adults – look around to make sure that there are no children in sight before lighting fireworks of any kind.

3) Flammables: Make sure that anything flammable is safely put away before using fire.

4) BBQ Grills: Watch the kids. With all the fun you’re having, it’s easy to lose sight of the little ones. Constantly check to ensure that no toddlers are around the flames or hot grill. A makeshift barricade of patio chairs may just do the trick. Once finished, stash the grill away or place inside a barricade, away from tiny fingers that might get burned.

5) Pets: Most pets become quite alarmed by fireworks. Veterinarians recommend that you keep your pets locked in a safe room. Vets recommend inside over outside for a reason. A pet can become so noise distressed that it can break through a chain or get entangled and choke. A pet can also with its flight/ survival instinct find a way to jump a fence or dig under.

Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve are two of the humane society’s biggest days for pet runaways!

Hint: If your pet reacts severely to thunderstorms, then imagine how all that firepower affects them. You might want to have on hand a pheromone spray that supposedly calms down an anxious pet. Check with your vet first!

6) Fires: Be mindful of fires. Each year, property is destroyed and fires blaze out of control because of fireworks. Make sure that you’re not setting off fireworks in an extremely dry area. Safest bet? Set off fireworks near or over a body of water.

7) Fireworks Debris: Clean up fireworks debris. Neighbors get really upset when their pools, driveways and flower beds are littered with the aftermath of your July 4th spectacular. Position your fireworks a reasonable distance away from neighbors and make sure to clean up after yourself.

8) Picnics, Parks, Beaches: Throw away all garbage and leave the area in good condition for the next person.

9) Music: It’s okay to play your music, but it’s not okay to try to drown out your neighbors’ music while in the process. You may certainly have fun, but be considerate of other parties or celebrations taking place close by.

And last, don’t worry, be happy. But . . . be safe and polite as well.

Happy Fourth Everyone!

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My son and I had dinner together on Saturday evening at a lovely Italian restaurant in Boca Raton called Mario’s Osteria.  I asked the waiter if it was possible to have their appetizer “Calamari Fra Diavolo” as an entrée. He agreed, stating that it wasn’t a problem at all.

An older waiter delivered my dish.  It had no sauce on it –  just a bowl of calamari.  He saw the quizzical look on my face when I asked if this was fra diavolo, to which he replied, “No, it’s garlic and olive oil.”   I took a bite while he stood there and it was indeed delightful.  He asked if he might bring me some red sauce on the side.  That sounded great to me.  At this point, our younger waiter walked over and said to me, “Don’t talk to him. He doesn’t know anything. I see what happened. I’ll take care of it.”

Wow.  I was speechless.  The younger waiter had completely emasculated the older gentleman.   A simple,”Thank you. I’ll take care of it,” to the senior gentleman would have sufficed.  The older man said nothing, just walked away.  This made me sad – the disrespect that was shown to this man who was, in earnest, trying to rectify the situation.

In the interim, my son’s dish was delicious so I had a few bites of his and waited.

My dish finally arrived and I couldn’t eat it.  I’ve never had an Italian sauce that was so sour.  It was prepared with sautéed bell peppers and they were quite pungent.  At that point, I decided to order something safe – a Caesar’s salad, which arrived, again after a wait, and was quite pleasant – something I would order again.

Silly us, we opted to try dessert – profiteroles.  They were so hard that we couldn’t eat them.  We left them on the platter and scooped out the two tiny bites of ice cream inside each one.  Meanwhile, my son is begging me not to say anything, so I didn’t.  He doesn’t like it when I critique customer service, even though I do it for a living, and so I obliged.

The waiter cleared our dessert and saw that it had not been eaten.  It appeared almost the way it had been served.  He made no inquiry.  

A DISCLAIMER HERE:  I never go out with the intention of someone “giving” me something.  In fact, on many an occasion, I have declined, but customer service is all about how to ensure return customers and promote a positive buzz about your business. A “happy” customer is a company’s best PR. 

THE KICKER: The bill came. There was no compensation on the bill at all except for having taken off the calamari dish, despite the lengthy inconvenience and inedible food. Oh well, we left and most likely . . . will not return. 

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